My favorite messages from guys on POF and OKCupid divided into 22 Categories:

                      

1. Guys who are great with numbers:

Yo hung here (8"), well-educated (4.0, baby) cum over and fuck and suck my brains out.

Call me Tyler 3107028797 12 inches

You can sit on my face I'll lick your pussy till you get at least 2 organism or maybe more ;)

Hey how are you?. You look beautiful! :). What size are your feet?.

$200 tonight…  5 minutes later

Interested…3 minutes later

???

2. Guys who promise prescription drugs:

I’ll give you an amazing orgasm and some xanax to prepare u for a deep hard fucking. XO, John

3. Guys who use drinks as a teaser:

skipping the date and you can makes me happy doing a massage. Maybe I will treat you to drinks if you really good.....

4.  Some  say men suck at planning activities and thinking ahead. They’re so wrong.

would you live with me for any duration, if needed?                        


1st date is tea, coffee or drinks then a hand job in the parking lot
2nd date is just drinks and tapas then your place for a massage, ball licking and coitus
3rd date is dinner and a movie and my place then pussy licking, coitus then a morning bj and more coitus
4th date is your choice as long as involves any or all of the above and wine
5th date is just drinks then walk in a park at night for a sexy encounter in public
6th date is your choice again as long it includes optional anal sex and one or more of the above
7th date is a weekend in bed and various other activities we may want to do, but it's a sexual weekend of fucking, sucking, licking and sticking
8th date is the drive in for food, fun and frolic and pot brownies! and more sex of course!
9th date is our first date again and so on...
sound good so far?

5. Guys who will give you the rare privilege of free cock:

Loking 4 a girl who nos its her JOB to take this thing down her throt and not ask 4 nuthing.

I can teach u how to suc me real good. Ready to learn? Textme7854762687

6. Magic men who can detect “chemistry” without even being in the same room with a girl:                                

 

I will be in town Friday and Saturday nights, staying downtown at the Sheraton. Let’s IM or text some before this weekend to see if there is chemistry.

I am into BDSM and very dominant and romantic. I need a woman who is submissive and kinky. And, don't worry about the distance, if the chemistry is right, I will fly you to San Diego anytime you want.
Have a great weekend! Super_Steve555

7. Retro Guys who try to repackage cheapness as vintage:

I'm old fashioned & selfless but detached from the modern day petty bullshit, & looking for a girl for fun but who I don't have to spend any money on.                        

8. Superman guys too good to be true:

Princess:
Interested in a slave? i cook, give pedicures/manicures and have studied massage and foot reflexology.
i am in shape, 5'7', 155, br. hr., hzl eyes and know it is all about You. By day, i am an attorney.
submissively,
slave mark                    

9. Men who really appreciate a woman for her skill and not just her body:  (AND at least he’s not cheap)

Name your price if you can shit and vomit on me. Serious and very real.

10. Guys with a Napoleon Complex:

Would you consider flats as a standard shoe to remain at a maximum height of 5'4"?

11. Guys who probably have boyfriends by now:

do u do anal on the first date? phillip yerbut

do you lik anal?

I will take u to burger king if u do anal.

12. The Agoraphobic guy who’s begging to be catfished:

First let's exchange #'s and text for a few weeks, then if we're ready, we can Skype for a month or so. After that we can decide if we want to meet for a quick cup of coffee in a very public place.

In the interest of my safety, let's get to know one another here first before jumping into a face-to-face date.

I would like to ask you out but aren't you afraid it might be a bit awkward without establishing a relationship first via text/phone conversation? : )

If things go well I will ask you out on a date.

13. Guys who hand out their # upon committing infant homicide:

Kall or text me if yur ready to have fun reply 5805911382 babymurda

14.  Guys who will always live with their mom:

I'm going to keep it really real with you, I just got out of prison after doing 27 months for a drug possession. I don't do drugs anymore but as I'm sure you can imagine I'm looking to have fun with a girl sooner rather than later. I paroled to my mother's house, I have no car or money.

I'm seeking an online mommy to take care of her baby boy. I enjoy age play role plays, please understand that I know the difference between fantasy/reality. Are you interested in seeking a long term relationship as a Mommy to this baby boy?

15. Guys with rhythm who *might* even buy dinner first:

Lovndubstep
I'm a dominant man that will take charge and let you know how I like it as well as pleasing all your needs. I'll take you out for a few drinks, maybe even dinner and some live music. If we really like each other we'll head back home where we play a little; kissing your neck, making out, hands rubbing up and down our bodies. Then I'll pick you up carry you to the bedroom and throw you on that bed. I rip that shirt off grab your tits with one hand while I grab my****with the other and slide it in your mouth and watch you take it all... After you suck on it awhile I flip you over tear those pants and wet panties off and slap that ass! Face down and ass up I slam this big****deep inside you making you scream as it hurts a little but yet feels sooo good. Lets continue this conversation, message me back if you want to hear more... I'm Aaron. Can I ask your name?

16. Men with amazing dexterity and skill:

I'm an attractive straight young man looking for a girl to watch me (webcam). My special kink is that I love eating my own cum. I do it in different ways... the hottest being to shoot directly into my mouth... I'd love to find a girl who wants to chat about this fetish.

17. And you thought Male Exterminators were hot?- this guy’s the King:

I have a rather unique fetish I want to explore. I love to see women play with and crush or kill bugs or crustaceans like crabs or lobsters. Would you be able to do this and be very playful and cruel?

18. Some guys are super hospitable:

Im staying at the Washington Marriot Wardman Park Room 204. Be here tonight midnight if u want a good time. do u do anal?

Staying at LaQuinta on Hwy70.  Can you be here in an hour? We can meet at the bar in lobby.

19. Some guys are just too charismatic:

I have a fun quick wittedness to me. Hope we can chat soon.

20. Some guys have all the right connections:

I am everything you are looking for except over 40. I am very well known plastic surgeon in the area. I have done plastic surgery on several hollywood stars. let me know if you are interested. No pics unless we have connection.

21.  Guys who were just too good for me:

You are supremely confident bitch. If you won't even text then the date is a wasted effort. However, I will save you the trouble of blocking my profile, because I have blocked yours you cunt.

Why won't you chat, bitch?

After not responding to his message within 5 minutes-

What do you think?… 2 minutes

???...3  more minutes

OK, fine then. Guess you’re not interested, bitch.                              

22. Slapping, Biting, Squirting, Tittie fucking, sucking 3 way Horse Cock baseball playoff good time weekend orgy guys:

I bet I can make you squirt

can i slap those titties bitch? bigdik1221

Hi how are you ? I hope to chat. By the way do you like a big one ;)

Can you squirt?

What are you up to?

hey ..i like ur pics. n everything i see ...can a have a piece of that lol im sergio

How was your weekend?

Hey, What r u looking 4 on here?
Can I bite ur tities, grrr! :)

let's skype. lemme c those titties

How's your day going?

Can I slap those titties, ****?

What did u do this weekend?

Lemme titty fuck u girl.

I will make you squirt lik never B4

Hii im eminem.. can we talk?

what'sup dude?

Why won't you chat, ****?

Hello! How're you? Watching playoff baseball?

Can you candle my horse cock?

I ned u 2 suc me

My girlfriend and I really loved your profile. How do you feel about 3 ways and strap ons?

P.S  I learned early on to never ask a guy out myself because here’s the standard response:

I'm turned off by the casual nature of your proposal and complete disregard for any other form of communication.

.......apparently in internet “dating,” REAL LIFE does not count as a form of communicating.